The Story of A Girl

Let me tell you a story.

A story about a girl.

Her mother was sick and her father was always stressed and often mad at the world.

Her sister had a lifetime Illness and her eldest brother was hardly home. Her youngest brother was a pain in the ass and often misbehaved.

This girl you see, was the mother figure when the parents were away, she got everything organised and made sure that everyone was okay.

While her sister cooked and cleaned the kitchen, the girl would do the washing. Although they fought, the girl helped her younger brother with his homework and watched him as he played. She still wanted him to be safe, each and every day.

Sometimes the family got along, others it fell apart. This girl, she had no consistancy within her family home.

Her school life was filled with drama, the usual for a teenage girl. One of higher academic skills and lesser on the sporting fields. She enjoyed sport and school in general, but her passion lied in acting. A place to be whoever she wanted to be, anyone but herself.

A glimpse of freedom in this hell hole we call our world.

She loved to yell and scream and shout, let go of all emotions. She was good at it. The acting, the drama, she had finally found her niche.

But once she left that drama room, the drama never stopped. She put back on her mask of normality and played a teenage girl. One whose life had nothing wrong. The one who was funny, smart, energetic, confident, kind and care free.

She helped friends with relationships and heartbreaks, ignoring problems of her own. She gave advice on how to cope and manage, yet never took her own advice and refused to even share her troubles.

This girl. She'd return from school, the mask would slowly fade. She would never admit to her sadness. She would keep herself isolated. Locked inside her room. She sated she had "homework" or "studying" to do.

She cried alone in her room and often in the shower. Then she'd cry herself to sleep. Letting go of all that had gone on. The stress of sickness in the family and her fathers common rage. Family hassles not specified as well and school based issues. The homework and the playground drama.Bullying, rumours, relationships, frindships. Everything took its toll.

The girl cried for hours as she lay awake at night.

But had her mother called, or her siblings for that fact. She wuld have gone immediately to their side. On her way she would wipe her eyes, put on her best and brightest smile. And as she listened to them speak, she would listen fully and completely, despite the sleep she hadn't had, to every detail of their story.

She didn't expect thanks or praise. She wanted simply just to make their day or see them smile once again. For she knew if they did... she would do the same.

L.I.F.E

Live It to the Fullest Everyday.

Just think for a second, I'm 16 and in a few years time Ill be 18 & for most of you its the same. We have 18 years to muck up and play the fool but instead we sit down and act grown-up. Growing up will come too fast so get outside and do things you havent done in a while: throw mud at eachother, make cubby houses, climb a tree, get dirty, dont be afraid to look stupid. I live by these rules but being in high school and all, its highly frowned apon to get down in the dirt and dig a hole or just be plain stupid.

You have 18 years to muck around, use it wisely otherwise you will end up with some pretty boring stories to tell your kids and grandkids. Once you hit 18, you are expected to grow up, get a job and house and be able to support yourself in the big world, then where does all the fun go? Yeah sneaking around and stealing cigarettes and alcohol might be fun and getting caught is your only fear but once you turn 18, all that childish stuff is thrown down the drain and its all frowned apon. The only life lessons you learn there is: easy ways to steal things and that gets you put in jail. Whereas the life lessons your suppose to be learning is: jumping off a house can break a bone, dirt doesn't taste the same as when you were 3 or little things like: if you step on a lego piece, it hurts or how long to toast a marshmallow for.

We will then be 20 and then 30 then we are considered old, all the music we used to shuffle to, pump at home, sing along to at the top of our voices to will all be old news. All the bands like One Direction (yes, i am saying it) Good Charlotte and the singers like Justin Bieber, Cody Simpson, Nicki Minaj and Reece Mastin will all be over, they will retire and get on with their lives and as soon as one of their songs are played, you will hear all the little ones screamimg 'turn this old sh*t off'

We are not living to our full potential when we should, our old days are creeping up fast, act young again. Remember how carefree we used to be? How nomatter what we wore, we were all equal? Why cant we just go back to that? It's so much easier.

Bikini Bummer

I was invited to a swimming party when I was about 16. My mother was strict and would only allow me to wear a one piece since there were going to be boys at the party. Mom and I went shopping and finally found a bathing suit we both could agree on in all white. I was amazed at the amount of attention I got from all the guys at the party despite the fact I wasn't wearing a bikini. It wasn't until I went to the restroom and looked in the mirror that I realized that the bathing suit was completely transparent when wet.

Sneak Ways to get his attention

Here are some helpful tips I got from guy about getting their attention;


-“If I'm out at a party, you're going to have to do something special to catch my attention: One way is to come up to me and dare me to do something. I like a challenge!” –Cody


-“Open up after I start talking to you. It might only take a look to get my attention, but you need to be able to hold a conversation to keep it.” –Justus


-“Have a different kind of style—something edgy yet subtle. Try a style from the 70's, a hippie dress or a vintage look, and a guy will notice you.” -Kendall


-“I always notice when a girl smiles in my direction. It’s the most flattering move for both of us.” –Mac


-“If you turn your nerves into humor you've caught my attention andstruck my funny bone! I was once out to lunch with a girl, and she punched me and said, ‘punch buggy, no punch back!’ It was cute. Guys like little things like that." -Craig


-“I look for a sense of character and personality—someone who sets themselves apart from the other girls.” –Hector


-“Guys love a girl who will eat anything without worrying about the calories. If you see a guy at your favorite restaurant, make sure to sit right across from him and order something big!” –John


-“Wear something that stands out a little, like a bright color. Guys like to see a girl’s sense of style.” –Mat

Confidence

Yeah I know this is some of the corny stuff, like those really typical 'inspirational advice' blogs or twitters, but I find some of this advice can help;

- I've noticed that if you walk with your head up high and shoulders back, you feel great about yourself and others think you look great. How you feel about yourself is visible to others whether you think it is or not;  Making eye contact, smiling, and having good posture definitely reads 'I'm here, and I'm fabulous!'

-Confidence is within, and it comes from believing in myself, and knowing that I am beautiful, and that all my dreams CAN come true. Confidence started with loving and appreciating yourself

-Wake up each morning with a positive thought in mind. Instead of looking in the mirror and naming all the negative things, pointing out things I don't like about myself, I point out things I like about myself. I'll also write myself little notes next to my bed that inspire me.

-Always having a small goal in the back of my mind of what I want to accomplish

-I always wear something that I feel good about and that I know I look great in. It helps me feel extra-confident.

-To boost my confidence, I don't wear any makeup. I know it sounds backwards, but that way you look like you all the time. Makeup is OK for making you look extra-special, but you shouldn't draw yourself a new face. Embrace what you have!

"I slipped the waiter my number"

“I was at dinner with my friends and our waiter was super hot. I flirted with him every time he came to our table and we talked before I left, but he didn’t ask for my number. Walking to the car, I felt bummed. But instead of letting the opportunity slip away, I wrote my name and number on a card and went back into the restaurant and gave it to him. I told him I thought we should hang out or get coffee sometime. He texted me later that night!"

The Significance of Jocks

So today in class we were watching a film, when it finished we did some work on it. First when filling out our worksheet our teacher was talking about symbolism and suggesting ideas for us, her big suggestion that she told u to write about was the significance of the boys jocks in the movie, we were all like wtf? I'm not sure what she was getting at....

Booty feeling in church

On occasion, I attend a local, holly roller, hallelujah screaming, speaking in tongues, praying until you pass out, Pentecostal church. The congregation there is very warm and loving. Any service you attend, it is guaranteed that you will get hugged by everyone atleast once. It was one of my many turns to hug someone and this time I was hugging an elderly lady in the church. When I am hugging someone whom I don't know very well, my style is to typically lean to one side a little bit, put my arms around them placing my hands on his/her back with my right hand closer to their shoulder blade and my left hand, below my right, a little closer to their lower back. Usually I would pat their back with my lower, left hand. Well, when hugging this elderly woman my hands were a bit misplaced. Before I knew it, my hug of fellowship turned into a tittie fondling, booty spanking lesbian fiasco. I drew away in horror after realising that my right hand had landed on her breast and my left "back patting" hand had landed on her buttcheek.

The lady gave me a funny look and continued to greet other attendents. I've never seen her at the church since. 

Guy problems

You like a guy and you wish you could read there mind. Life would be so much easier if that's the was life really was. But that's not how it goes but I would do anything to just know how he really feels about me. But the best thing I ever did was have a senior talk to him and talk me up and all the good things about me. If you ever need guy advice you know where to find me. But never change your self for any and I mean ANY guy!

Being Politically Incorrect...

One day I woke feeling on top of the world, and with that everything just seemed a breeze.. anyway later after work I decided 'what the hell, I'll get the shopping done and save me the trip the next day'..

I was in such a good mood.. humming to myself to the speaker music and smiling at everyone..then, I came to the Milk isle..
At the fridge was this young fellow taking milk out of the half empty crates and adding them to the near full crates.. and to the side of the fridge he had neatly stacked the crates..
I said 'arn't you a good little boy' afterall he was young and I assumed he too was in a good mood and was there helping his dad... he gave me an odd look and I was on my way..

Forgetting the Yakult I headed back.. this time I had a better look at him..to my shock he was a dwarf.. that was the last time I shopped there.. and to add to it.. at that point.. I wasn't in such a good mood. I just wanted to run away! 

Sanitary Dining

A family friend of mine was giving a dinner party and discovered she was out of napkins.
She then proceeded to send her 10 year old son in the grocery store to get some. Upon his return she asked him to place one napkin beside each plate and put a knife, fork and spoon upon each one.
When all of her guests arrived she showed them into the dining area and to her horror found that her son had mistakenly purchased sanitary napkins!!

Making sense of it

When I’m feeling confused, lonely, hurt or just plain wrong, I write. It’s what I turn to for therapy when conventional therapy is not what I’m looking for. I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember – I still own journals I kept as a ten year old, travel diaries, long winded rants and your stock-standard awful poetry from that phase all “troubled teens” with access to enough paper and pens. They’re not all good (reflecting on some of my long-lost and desperately-in-need-of-forgetting pieces, one might even go as far as to call them awful) but if you want to know about me, your safest bet is to raid my archives. There is something innate in writing that just captures me, a sort of poetry in language that I can’t ever quite vocalise but have always been enchanted by.


That’s why I’m writing today. It’s an introduction, per se, because I feel like lately I’ve had a lot of things to say and very few places to actually say them.

 This year started as a little bit turbulent, if anything, but in recent months it’s taken some pretty weird turns and it’s getting harder and harder to cope without a proper outlet. I haven’t written anything in quite a long time and I’ve noticed that there’s a direct correlation between how I’m feeling and how little I’ve been writing. You’re most likely going to have to get accustomed to seeing my name bobbing about now and then as I flounder around, so I’d like to say something about who I am and where I am at.


I’m sixteen, prone to your typical teenage behaviour (see: mood swings, erratic hormonal behaviour, a fair dose of melodrama, and the tendency to rant and rave uncontrollably should something seize me). I’ve got a strange history with mental health, and health in general: I’ve always been classed as “sickly”, despite my obvious effervescence and sparkling personality (I’m also known to use sarcasm as a coping mechanism in most situations).


This year has seen a bit of a black cloud creep over me, and there is absolutely nothing I can link it to. The over-analysis part of my problem can fairly conclusively tell you that. Most of the time, I’m okay. Sometimes, as with everyone, I’m not and I don’t really know what to do about that. Like most people on here, I’m just trying to feel good and trying to get things to stick.
That’s where I’m at right now. If I start posting like a mad woman trying to make sense of her life, when reality I’m just being an over-dramatic teenage girl in a (comparatively) mildly inconvenient situation. I’d like to apologise in advance.

Wise Words

“the pain you feel is real, you’re not asleep but it’s a nightmare. But you can wake up anytime…”  these are possible one of the most deepest and honest words. To me these lyrics say so much. One thing that is so prominent in this is that the pain will end, if you try your best.

Everyone falls, some fall quite hard at times and things start to look rough and a sea of endless struggles. But beyond that are the great results so many don’t wait for. It’s getting somewhat harder for people to cope with problems, I believe it’s mainly because the numbers of problems are increasing and the age the person suffers through these problems is decreasing. If you look around, there are so many of us suffering through depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and what not. I had often heard about the fact that a suicide occurs every 40 seconds and I was shocked the first time I had read that. But it never really hit me until very recently.

Suicide solutions

If your sick of other solutions, maybe those for those not quite human, read the words written on this page, remember its a killer no matter your age, I heard a lyric about minor mistakes, about over exaggerating deciding our fate, upon the age of late teen, you discover so many have already lost there dreams, many partied a little to hard, from the goals and dreams there barred, many have attempted to cry out for help, only shyed from the darkness know as death, why go so low trust me you have so much left, these are te words every one hears, while with a barrel to there chin cheeks covered in tears, I don't want you to leave, because baby that's theft taking life, when forever is left, I see you in that beautiful white dress, scared but excited the feeling will be best.


I under stand now that you have no bet nothing left, it's all been shattered bar that rattle in your chest, let the love of those around slowly piece the main organ together, never fully healed but useable on weather, don't leave us now unnaturally bit never. 


 I know your age and it's way to young, to be wielding a blade or loading a gun, to go to war on no one bar yourself, wanting to leave everything throwing away your wealth, of warmth that I know surrounds you, keep kicking cause memory's will drown too, if a heart can't warm, when a bond is formed its never to set, nor will it ever be regret, some people love with all that they have, this day and age it contributes To hormonal suicide, the fact that it causes you to slowly eat away your insides, with doubt and confusion to you no one left to confide, love doesn't hurt nor does it heal if you feel either it surely isnt real, here to help you through forever do we have a deal.  


Suicide solutions are all that seems left, nothing can help not music even if it's bass or treble cleft, why leave your family forever in debt, when they think your making it rising above a crest, we know you can make it without those that hurt, all you need is us the ones here forever, and you ll never be in debt, baby suicide solutions are not all you have left. 

A Directioner's life

My story,

on the 23rd of july at 8.22pm something amazing happened, One Direction was born!! Simon Cowell is a legend!! but that also meant a life time of hatred from others started, the amount of hate 1D get is stupid. They are just 5 boys living their dream like we wish we could, but some people think they are gay just because of the early days (VideoDiarys). I love them soo much, they have helped me through depression and helped me get over thoughts of suicide. I am much healthier than I was back then. Zayn, Liam, Louis, Niall and Harry are the main reason I am still alive today; their songs keep me going. Liam and Zayn had hard lives:

Liam was born with only one kidney and was picked on for his keen sense of fashion (which makes him so adorable now)

Zayn is half muslim and smokes, he has been expelled from 3 schools for fighting

Dont ever think anyone ever lives a perfect life, you dont know what is goin on in their heads so why judge them? its stupid. i am being picked on because i love them so much, why would i love them if they havent done anything for me? their songs are motivational. 

I know this isnt a very sad/happy story but its my story so it makes it count. Also think about would you want people criticising you for living you dream? Do you want people hating you for what you like? Stop being a hypocrite and saying that you can like whatever you want, say whatever you want etc when you go around telling people that what they like is crap, gay, stupid etc! Do you like it when people say these things about your interests??? Think about it next time you want to bag anything anyone likes!

Counselling!

Hi,

Haven't posted in forever!!

This was ages ago, but anyway, I stopped seeing that counsellor! I couldn't stand her in the end, yeah she was nice enough and all and I know she probably didn't mean to be offensive but she was!! The last few times I went to her I left bawling my eyes out!! She made me feel terrible, like shit, made me feel like such a bad person! She's a counsellor, isn't she supposed to help me with problems not make me more upset?????!!!! She wasn't very good anyway, I had to sort problems out myself! All she did was ask me questions like 'how will you sort that out?' and I'm like, 'I don't know'! If I knew I would of sorted the problem out, she would never give me any advice, suggestions or answers!

Monday

It's sometimes a tad slow on the first day after a weekend. Mentally, physically, waking up. Doing an early morning walk with some decent wake-up music can be a temporary cure. That will nearly always make the day a bit more breezy.
What gets me though is when people make the obvious observation that it is indeed Monday and that Monday has it's dull drawbacks. Like I didn't know. It's nearly as frustrating as when it's raining. "Hey howsabout this weather, eh? It's raining now. It has been raining for a few days. I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow as that would be 5 days in a row where it has been raining". Thanks. I get it.

There's a comedy film I used to often watch called Office Space. It sums up 'a case of the Mondays' quite well.

I have a good feeling that Monday wouldn't be so Mondayish if everyone didn't treat it as though it was a bad day.
I'm going to make an effort to make Monday feel like Tuesday from now on. I'll take a pen to my calendar.

Family Time

So this was my morning, I got up went downstairs for breakfast, made my toast, then for some reason my sister pushed me into a cupboard and hit me, then when I went to get a plate she hit me twice on the back again and after that my mum blocked the toaster so I couldn't get my toast then she pulled my hair until I screamed in pain, let me get my toast, however she then continued with abusing me calling me fat, a whore and bitch, then she decided to hit me and pull my hair again and tell me what a horrible child I was and she wishes I wasn't hers then she said I had to get out of her sight and I also can't have food from this house now, all while my sister sat and watched, doing nothing to help even though she was the one that hit me, yet she was happy for my mum to abuse me and blame me even when I did nothing. What kind of sister is that? What kind of mother is that? better yet What kind of person does this to their child?

Loving london

So last year after my nearly-friendship-ending France holiday I continued around Europe finally arriving in LONDON,ENGLAND!
My dream destination has always been London and I only got 2 and a half days there but that was enough to fit in most things including a West End show!
I hate my life even though I get everything I want but my absolute dream is to move to London and leave everything here behind, make new friends and a new life.

Hyde Park!

Peter Pan Statue at Hyde Park, I have wanted to go there since I was 7 when I saw it in a Mary Kate and Ashley movie 'Winning London'

Westminster Abbey

What Best Friend?

That BFF I was talking about in an earlier post about how nice she was so kind to me, well i changed my mind after she showed me who she really was! Just like so many others, just like my old friends (who i no longer talk to or even smile at) a self-centered status obsessed witch!
We spent a few months in France together (I lived with her & went to school with her there) and she was horrible, we kept fighting and as soon as she found a new friend she completely ditched me, just like the others! One night she called me a 'stubborn bitch' because as I was getting in the shower she decided she needed another shower for the day and said I had to get out because she would be quicker! Before this I had not criticisms of her and thought she was amazing but now we're not close and I don't know what to do about her!

I HATE HOLIDAY HOMEWORK!

I hate that they give us Holiday Homework now!! I still have French and Media left to finish which used to be 2 of my favourite subjects but now I just don't seem to get French and i don't like the ideas behind the photo assignment in media, i want to be able to have more fun with photography and would honestly rather graphic design now! 
I don't know why i just can't understand French anymore I used to pass everything without studying but now I just don't get it. I don't know if I'm not trying hard enough or what, I mean I even lived in France and went to school there last year! Why can i not just get it!